I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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