she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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