Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
