i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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