Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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