I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
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Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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