when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
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i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
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My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...