How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW