drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink