he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.