There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How does one acquire holy water?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you