We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.