I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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