If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
third nipple confirmed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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