It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
