fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.