can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh