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I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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