Pants 0. Shit 1.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
