Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
