well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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