Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
