I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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