I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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