thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
