She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch