Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus