I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday