Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.