I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize