Acid is not a monday night drug
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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