$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
