Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
