how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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