Will you blow on my dice?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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