how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
