omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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