are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Alive.
So much puke
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
