Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize