Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
