you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize