im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
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Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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