Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
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I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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