I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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