ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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