Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!