Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.