Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
