Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
