Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
