My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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