You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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