Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if only i could text you this smell
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
