What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
