I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i drank out of a bidet.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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