I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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