we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
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I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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