Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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