Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize