On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
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"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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