Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
