I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
