k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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